Exposing myself – no I’m not a flasher!

headlessI believe if you are going to write a blog you need to work from the inside out… unless it is something like fashion – then bling away! When I chose the moniker ‘blogger’ it was with a sense of pride to expose not just the expected, but the unexpected –The layers underneath.

When you think of Rambo, unless you are thinking of the poet… you think tough guy, Sylvester Stallone, survivor, guy with many guns and camoflauge.  But some of us tough guys are much more sensitive on the inside. To be honest I think the tougher an exterior you show, the more sensitive you actually are. I am learning to accept that I’m not just Rambo – athletic guy, or as the doormen at my building call me, Deisel, I’m also a lover of flowers. I am mesmerized by the various scents and details of leaves. I have a curiosity that often pulls me off ‘point’ so I don’t lazer my way from one appointment to another. No, with practice I can now meander and allow myself to linger at a tree if that is what I am feeling. It’s called present moment awareness and I’m not afraid to go there.

Being present is truly being who you are in each moment. It’s acceptance of all the various parts of you, even the ones you are not as fond of. It can be challenging when you live in a world where certain things are accepted and praised and rewarded with treats, while others are definitely found lacking or less than. Who’s to judge really?

That brings us back to last week when the paparazzi caught me at a vulnerable point. I was meeting with the Headless Horseman at a cemetery in Sleepy Hollow, when the horse decided to invade my space. I was startled to say the least, but luckily mom was holding me. I was prepared for some shenanigans from Headless, but was caught off guard when the horse looked like it was about to render me headless as well.  Not my best moment. But I’m sharing it here because stuff happens.

Just as I don’t have to jump on your head to show my alpha superiority, I’m also not ashamed to share my vulnerable side, as well as my not so PC moments. (yes, I peed on the planter by the entrance to my building last week, it smelled just right and I couldn’t resist). So with that, I vow to continue to share moments that show more than just the Rambo side. We can pretend to be tough, and to do it all by ourselves, but the reality is we can’t. Life is imperfect, no matter how hard I try to tidy it up.

In the end, I’m finding life is more about reaching out and connecting.  And since no one is perfect – pretending to be that way would leave me as lonely as the ultimate disconnect –Headless.

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